HOW TO BECOME A HUSBAND MATERIAL (WITH VIDEO)

If you ask me, I would say that a husband is any man who is married to a woman(according to my religious beliefs).

Growing up as a boy, marriage is something you don't think about; but as age catches upon you, and you experience the feeling called love, the boy in you gives way for the man and marriage becomes an important part of your thinking. Unlike women, men would want to marry because they want to impart their ideal selves to their children, influence and receive support from partners and basically, satisfy the sexual desire or need.

However, becoming a husband doesn't happen with a big bang; one needs to go through several challenging phases to become 'mature' and ready for the life long 'course' called marriage.

Age and experience may be an important indicator to any man when they want to marry,but it doesn't guarantee a successful marriage.

For those of you out there who have plans of becoming husbands sooner or later, you can learn a thing or two from my story.

The proposal stage:

The first stage of becoming a husband is to first be engaged. Engaged here means to have a romantic relationship with a woman. When a boy grows into a man, the first indicator is when he feels the need to care for another apart from his mother or family members. I realized I had grown from a boy to a man when I started enjoying the company of my partner more than my mother; I also realized my role had changed, I was the one making most decisions and taking more risks with my partner than with my family. As a boy, your family makes decisions for you, but as a man, you make sound decisions for yourself and for your partner.

Before or when you ask the big question' Will you marry me' , you would have undergone some interesting changes in character and deed.

CONFUSION

Deciding who is the best person to marry can make or break you; you become swallowed up in a 

State of confusion. You begin to compare and contrast your partner; the slightest unpleasant experience with your partner scares you and puts you in doubt. The road to becoming a husband is full of decision-making curves; not making the right decisions can cost you your life. For me, in that state, I was afraid about the unknown future with my partner; I didn't know whether to follow feelings or thought or both. When you decide to marry someone from feelings, your decision would most likely be from what you see presently; on the other hand, if you decide based on thought, your decision would likely be for a particular reason or to achieve a particular goal. For me, I, eventually, chose both feelings and thought, -I think it's safer that way-. Lol!

THINK TANK:

At this proposal stage, thinking becomes a part of you; you would think of ways and means to satisfy your partner. You would also think about your future with your partner. You know boys don't think deep, but when you become a man, you begin to think deep; you think of solving relationship problems mostly. Entering a relationship is intentional, and because it needs to be sustainable, much thinking and planning must go into it. A relationship without a plan can crush easily and faster.

PRAYER WARRIOR:

You become a prayer warrior before and when you propose to your partner. Your prayer topic mostly is to find out if your partner is right for you. In the midst of your confusion, you just don't want to make the wrong decision; you want a divine confirmation of your chosen partner. 

For me, I would go to church every Sunday with my partner with the hopes that my pastor would prophesy and confirm my partner or the Holy Spirit would whisper in my ears who I should marry. lol! Hearing bad marriage stories, you wouldn't want to be part of those who make bad choices leading to marriage that is expected to be lifelong.

HEALTH SPECIALIST:

You become a health specialist when making a decision to marry. You may want to know your partner's blood group and other health status; very few people would intentionally decide to marry someone with health problems. For me, I was relieved after my partner told me she had AA blood type( I didn't even bother to check mine). Knowing the health status of each other helps you make the best decision towards marriage.

PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR:

You become an investigator when you decide to marry. You suddenly become concerned about your partner's phone, friends, and associations; you would want to know everything influencing your partner. A friend of mine, at this stage, spent 3 days every week, monitoring the movements of his partner from home to work; he would fake calls to test her and hide at junctions to spy on her amongst other schemes. For me, I would crack her password just to read messages on her phone, Facebook, and email and if I found suspicious chats, I would confront her about it. I did this to make sure my partner was true to me and is consistent with what she tells me; I believe other men investigate their partners for the same or similar reasons.

PHILOSOPHER:

You become a philosopher and a propounder of romantic theories during the proposal stage. When you are confident about your partner, you want to sweet-talk her; you want to get her attention by using romantic words on her. For me, I would text her romantic poems, send, and sing love songs to her at random times during the day.

After you have done all the unusual things like spying on your partner, testing your partner, checking her health status, spoiling her with romantic words, praying, and overcoming your state of confusion, then you're ready to decide on marriage. You now would want to perform marital rites and or take her to the altar.

MARRIAGE STAGE:

After proposing, going through marriage rites, and enjoying the pomp and pageantry of the wedding reception, you receive the certificate of marriage and the enviable title Husband.

You see the turns and curves you had to endure before achieving the husband title, your experiences would help you stay in the marriage for longer or otherwise.

Marriage comes with its own ups and downs; but with the right attitude, you can achieve success every day.

BUSINESSMAN

For me, the moment I earned the title called husband, I became a businessman. Suddenly, the salary wasn't enough for rent, food, utility, shopping, laundry, and transportation.

I had to make more money, so I decided to find 'side jobs' to help manage the finances; I did more than 10 side jobs.

I became a car salesman, house sales and rental agent, sold mobile phones and accessories online, consulted for events planning and business development services, rented event logistics like; glass pulpits, LED lights, red carpets. I also sold machinery, wrote and edited stories, and thesis for money, amongst other things.

Marriage makes every husband a businessman because of his desire to make sure his family is financially secure and stable. If you don't know how to run a business, marriage can naturally teach you how.

SEX MAN:

One of the joys of becoming a husband is that for the first time, you would enjoy sex without a condom and without the guilt of unwanted pregnancy and sin.

Marriage is the only institution you can enjoy sexual pleasure without any external pressure or fear. People engaged in pre-marital sex are constantly concerned with an unwanted pregnancy, having sex under duress, and sometimes, regrets. As a husband, you can enjoy sex in the most ideal way. As a young man in a relationship, if you want to rid yourself of sexual sin, sexual fear, and anxiety, you should think of looking for a partner soon.

Moreso, As a husband, you include and involve your wife in anything you do or anywhere you go; if you used to hang out with friends, you would reduce it and share some quality time with your wife. Normally, when you insist on your lifestyle as though you were still single and not involve your wife in decisions, you experience confrontations, nagging, and quarrels from your wife.

If you used not to shop before you married, as a husband, you would most likely go shopping once a month. 

EXPECTING A CHILD:

After exploring each other sexually, for a year or two, you would want to make the decision to make a baby. Many husbands want babies so they can impart; others expect children to fulfill scriptures.

Making a decision whether or not to have children is one thing and expecting children is another; after giving care and nurture to your wife, you would want to do the same for another called child.

PRAYER WARRIOR AGAIN:

You become a prayer warrior again when expecting a child; for your first time, you would have fears like; what if the baby comes out deformed or sick? How would you handle it? What if my wife dies during childbirth? As reported in the news daily.

All these fears and more, are situations you face and decisions you must make, thus, many husbands would resort to prayer with the hopes of averting any bad childbirth experience.

The reality is that some couples have suffered loss during childbirth so what makes you different? Hope and prayer is probably, the only thing that motivates you to decide to have a child or have children. The fact is that giving birth is a life and death affair and must be taken seriously.

SEX FAST:

When you're expecting a child, you would go on sex-fast most times; sex fast is when you cannot have sex with your wife when she is pregnant( the early stages of pregnancy).

Having sex during the first 3 months of pregnancy a.k.a the first trimester exposes the woman to the risk of a miscarriage, therefore doctors advise that you stay away from sex during the first trimester.

As a husband, if you have a high sex drive, you must find other ways to satisfy your desires; some couples engage in foreplay with their wives till they ejaculate, during the first 3 months. ( I think it's a good idea) others also reduce the number of times they have sex in a week or a month so the baby is not affected in any way.

CAREGIVER:

You become a caregiver when your wife is pregnant. Your level of care is tested during this stage. Your pregnant wife may deprive you of sex, quality time and attention because of her state; on the contrary, you have to show her care by helping her with home duties she normally handled; you would also have to give her attention and time by taking her for Antenatal visits at the hospital; sometimes, you have to help her bath, wear her pants, and footwear. For me, I remember when my wife was close to her due date(that is the date determined by the scan for delivery) days to giving birth, I would have to show up at the hospital anytime I was called upon; in the evenings, I would walk her to and fro the hospital car park to help her dilate; I often leave the hospital close to midnight.

As a husband,I was with her when she experienced unspoken pain at the final hour of childbirth; I was there to comfort and encourage her.

HAVING AND NURTURING A CHILD

When the baby finally came, the first thing I wanted to know was whether the baby came out without any deformity and also whether my wife was safe; secondly, I wanted to find out who my baby looked like, but unfortunately for me, my baby suffered a distressing birth, therefore, was unhealthy and not ready to meet me. He was sent to the emergency unit for care; my baby spent his first two weeks at the hospital. As a husband and father, it was my responsibility to visit them at the hospital twice daily; eventually,I was able to see and hold my baby and that brought much joy to me; he was healthy.

DEATH COUNT:

Once the baby is out, you realize how old you are and how close you're to death. Even though that can be a motivation for you to help you plan well for your family, personally, it can be scary.

For me, when I turn 60, my firstborn would be 31 years; for others, they would be 65, 70, or 75 years. Isn't that scary to know that you'll become a grandfather 30 years on?

Marriage has a way of making you think 30 years into your life.

FINALLY, YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR:

Becoming a husband and a father can be the best thing to happen to any man; if you focused solely on career, friends, or other things when you have a child, it is time to switch attention to child and wife. When you look at your child and imagine the plans you have for your baby, it gives a sense of having something to live for. Every day, you're motivated to live a successful and safe life so you can take care of your family; every day, you get the chance to give your baby a better life than you had.

Every day, you enjoy the feeling of having received divine authority to father another human being, hopefully, a world shaper.

How to become a husband can be easier or harder than I have shared with you but becoming a husband is part of life that needs to be enjoyed.

Many men have become focused and determined to influence the world positively because they became husbands. Before anyone qualifies to be called husband and father, he would have passed the natural course of business management, strategic communications, public health care, psychology, child management, home administration, amongst others. I am not surprised that husbands are better employees and entrepreneurs.

Hope you become a husband soon; and if you're already a husband, well done, you're a superman.

Thanks for reading, kindly share with friends.

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